photographer

Treat me like a plant

This morning, I sat on my bedroom floor, talked to my plants , and showered them with rainwater. I feel relaxed for once, and my head felt a little bit more clear, so I decided to write.

I’ve created this list of questions I keep having to ask myself.

-Am I satisfied?

-Am I secure?

-Am I getting what I need?

-Am I happy?

-Am I treated how I deserve to be treated?

-Does this have a purpose?

-Do I need to worry about this right now?

I use to tell myself that I need to stop questioning everything. I get to caught up in questions. I over analyze exactly what is being asked. And sometimes that makes it hard to find an answer.

Sometimes, I start to wonder if I require too much from myself and from other people. but I don't think I do. Some positive affirmations and some reassurance does it for me. It’s really not that much as long as someone has the capacity for it.

For me, I feel if I want to grow as a person, I need to work on my self-expansion. I feel I hold myself back in a lot of ways. I think I just need to relax a little and really start doing my own thing again and stop caring so much about how others perceive it.

Sometimes I think people need me to treat me like the way I treat my plants. Sometimes I wish I could get a little help with growing.

Now that school is done, I'm hoping to get on a regular posting schedule on here. Not sure if anyone actually reads these, but they help me clear my head a little.

Selfies

Self-portraiture has always been something I have enjoyed exploring. It's a very therapeutic process and a way for me to express myself. It's like an easy way out when I don't feel like being me. I can turn myself into someone else for a brief moment. Most of my self-portraits are rooted deeply with personal issues.

I have different versions of myself that exists somewhere in my psyche. They are all me but just don't look like me. I spent a lot of my time growing up being very critical of the way that I looked. I spent years feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I just wanted to hop out of the body of who I was and take on an entirely different form. Even in my twenties, I get this feeling like I just need to leave and start over. And maybe this is why I find self-portraiture so therapeutic. It's a way for me to put my insides on my outsides. I show what I am feeling instead of saying what I am feeling. For a few moments, I can turn off who I am and take on a different form. Its also like a version of me is being released and I can try to let go of my past traumas. It's almost like I can release an inner emotion and clear my headspace.

I mean sometimes it's not that deep and I just like dressing up for fun.

Here is the most recent self-portrait series I worked on. I saw a wig at the dollar store for 4$ and instantly was inspired.